hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
please come you make the beer taste better
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
