I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
