I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
