I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I faked an abortion last night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
