I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
