hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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