hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize