The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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