Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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