i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
