I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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