my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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