so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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