Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
