I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
