Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
