Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
