Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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