I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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