Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
