A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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