My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
