I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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