i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
