Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
