i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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