Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you never un-have a 4some
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
