You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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