I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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