I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
