Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize