smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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