I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
