if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
