But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
