I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
