ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
