HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
