If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sext me about skeletons
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
