did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
