You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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