Jerry, you need to find god
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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