Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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