i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
