she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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