I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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