I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
nutella sex= disaster
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize