im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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