In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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