I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
