Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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