not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
