That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I enjoy the company of your penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize