I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
