NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
