I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The best revenge is premature balding
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
