I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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