yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
