My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
