im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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