Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
