Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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