if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
