Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
