I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize