why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
