was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
