I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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