we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
