this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
