Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
