Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
