We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
