we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
