no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
