i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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