Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
