Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
