Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize