What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
accomplished twins. life is a go
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
