Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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