Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize