Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
