Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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